.The Abyss.
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.Past Ramblings.
March 2005
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Monday, February 28, 2005
Don't really feel like going to school tomorrow. The mock exams are on and I'm sure I'm going to hand up another few more pieces of blank papers. Today's paper was a total goner. Was distracted by the incoming messages from people "reporting" their "O" level results. I wrote 1 complete essay and 2 incomplete essays. I'm so going to fail terribly. Should I go up to Jeeshan tomorrow and ask him if I should take my paper?
I'm so angry at the girl who threw her baby down the rubbish chute. I really really don't understand why do people make such cruel decisions? Really felt like crying when I read the papers. To think she's a University student. Makes me wonder why people study so hard for? I so believe she's going to be tormented by her guilt for as long as she lives. ARGH! Can people stop throwing babies and stop killing these innocent lives? As I've said before, be responsible for whatever you've done! Don't have your fun and then shirk responsibilities when responsibilities come knocking! It's a life you're talking about. Damm. She ought to be shot! No. She ought to be thrown down that bloody rubbish chute too.
Today's also the release of the "O" level results. Seriously, I don't like this day cuz it brings back painful memories. It doesn't seem too long ago when I took back my "O" levels results. Plus, I took the results TWICE. It's a good feeling when you pass with flying colours, but it's a terrible feeling when you know you did like crap. My sister scored 13 points. Below is the sms conversation I had with her while doing my paper:
HER: My L1R5 13
kAeJ: WOw! So is that good?
HER: Not very good.. (I can't remember the rest)
kAeJ: I think it's very good. You should lower the expectations you have of yourself and give yourself a pat on the back.
No response.
kAeJ: Are you very sad?
HER: Don't know. I cried.
I flipped. I'll be over the moon if I scored 20 points! Sometimes I wonder if she's too hard on herself or I'm too easily satisfied. 13 points is a fantastic result. I will pay to get that result honestly. I can't believe she cried. Wouldn't I have to jump off the building so many times?! Here's an equation :
My brother's L1R5 + my sister's L1R5 = My L1R5
(17) + (13) = A fantastic score of 30! (C'mon. Let me hear some applaud.)
Is life really more than education? What can one do without education? Forever a loser perhaps. Like I will say to myself, "well done deb. you make a perfect loser."
I'm so angry at the girl who threw her baby down the rubbish chute. I really really don't understand why do people make such cruel decisions? Really felt like crying when I read the papers. To think she's a University student. Makes me wonder why people study so hard for? I so believe she's going to be tormented by her guilt for as long as she lives. ARGH! Can people stop throwing babies and stop killing these innocent lives? As I've said before, be responsible for whatever you've done! Don't have your fun and then shirk responsibilities when responsibilities come knocking! It's a life you're talking about. Damm. She ought to be shot! No. She ought to be thrown down that bloody rubbish chute too.
Today's also the release of the "O" level results. Seriously, I don't like this day cuz it brings back painful memories. It doesn't seem too long ago when I took back my "O" levels results. Plus, I took the results TWICE. It's a good feeling when you pass with flying colours, but it's a terrible feeling when you know you did like crap. My sister scored 13 points. Below is the sms conversation I had with her while doing my paper:
HER: My L1R5 13
kAeJ: WOw! So is that good?
HER: Not very good.. (I can't remember the rest)
kAeJ: I think it's very good. You should lower the expectations you have of yourself and give yourself a pat on the back.
No response.
kAeJ: Are you very sad?
HER: Don't know. I cried.
I flipped. I'll be over the moon if I scored 20 points! Sometimes I wonder if she's too hard on herself or I'm too easily satisfied. 13 points is a fantastic result. I will pay to get that result honestly. I can't believe she cried. Wouldn't I have to jump off the building so many times?! Here's an equation :
My brother's L1R5 + my sister's L1R5 = My L1R5
(17) + (13) = A fantastic score of 30! (C'mon. Let me hear some applaud.)
Is life really more than education? What can one do without education? Forever a loser perhaps. Like I will say to myself, "well done deb. you make a perfect loser."
Staring into the Abyss,
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Tuesday, February 22, 2005
I made a decision some days ago and I'm not sure if it was the right decision. I'm feeling so confused now I don't know what to do. There's nobody for me to turn too, nobody for me to ask. What do I do? Who do I ask? Who can I ask? Who can I tell? I'm feeling terrible but no one knows. These struggles within me, who really knows them at all?
Staring into the Abyss,
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