.The Abyss.
Current Read:
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. Cherie .
. Chew Yue .
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. Huiling .
. Huiying .
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. Soo Chin .
. Sun Ho .
. Roy .
.Rant & Rave.
.Past Ramblings.
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Today marks the day that I'm officiately offered an extension of 2 months to my supposedly 1 month only contract, and also the last day I'll be working in the IMPORT department. From tomorrow onwards, I'll be working in the EXPORT deparment. I look forward to tomorrow, and to the new challenge ahead.
Casually asked Lynn, my assistant manager if I could stay on in the IMPORT department when I got her to sign my timesheet, and her reply was, "Cannot lar. Never mind. You can learn new things over there." I nodded and was introduced to my new EXPORT colleagues. I returned to my place and told Maznan, Mas and Dilla that I was going over to EXPORT tomorrow. Then, I felt tears welling up and it didn't help that Maznan kept saying "BYE" to me and asked, "you crying ah?". Dilla was sad that I'd be going over cuz there'll be no one to help her with her MRS, no one to open files for her, and no one to 'disturb' her.
Are you wondering if I cried? No. Me, being me, I didn't cry. My tears remained where they should remain. I didn't allow myself to cry. We all have to move on, whether we like it or not. I thank God that my first experience at work is a great one. I've learnt alot this past one month, and my colleagues have been great in helping me learn the tricks of the trade. I remember in my July 27th post, I said that 'work is ok". If you ask me now, I'll tell you, 'Work has been fantastic.'
I never saw myself staying beyond 6, and finishing up work that I'm not required to do. I never saw myself coming in to work early just to make sure that the documents needed during the day would be ready. I never saw myself doing beyond what was expected of me. I never saw myself acknowledging cheques, or attending to the courier man. I never saw myself calling up clients to chase for payments. I never saw myself speaking in Chinese to clients regarding their shipments. I never saw myself wanting to cry on my last day of work. I never expected my colleagues to give me a "farewell" lunch. It surprises even me to know how quickly I settled into the company, and how I managed to build relationships with my colleagues when I'm so anti-social. I'll miss them terribly, I know I will, although I was sceptical when a friend of mine changed her nickname to, "I miss my colleagues." Now I know, what it means.
When it's time to move on, it's time to move on. I've had a great working experience with my INBOUND team, and as I move on to another team, it is this same attitude that I must carry with me. It's not easy, but it's not too difficult either?
Casually asked Lynn, my assistant manager if I could stay on in the IMPORT department when I got her to sign my timesheet, and her reply was, "Cannot lar. Never mind. You can learn new things over there." I nodded and was introduced to my new EXPORT colleagues. I returned to my place and told Maznan, Mas and Dilla that I was going over to EXPORT tomorrow. Then, I felt tears welling up and it didn't help that Maznan kept saying "BYE" to me and asked, "you crying ah?". Dilla was sad that I'd be going over cuz there'll be no one to help her with her MRS, no one to open files for her, and no one to 'disturb' her.
Are you wondering if I cried? No. Me, being me, I didn't cry. My tears remained where they should remain. I didn't allow myself to cry. We all have to move on, whether we like it or not. I thank God that my first experience at work is a great one. I've learnt alot this past one month, and my colleagues have been great in helping me learn the tricks of the trade. I remember in my July 27th post, I said that 'work is ok". If you ask me now, I'll tell you, 'Work has been fantastic.'
I never saw myself staying beyond 6, and finishing up work that I'm not required to do. I never saw myself coming in to work early just to make sure that the documents needed during the day would be ready. I never saw myself doing beyond what was expected of me. I never saw myself acknowledging cheques, or attending to the courier man. I never saw myself calling up clients to chase for payments. I never saw myself speaking in Chinese to clients regarding their shipments. I never saw myself wanting to cry on my last day of work. I never expected my colleagues to give me a "farewell" lunch. It surprises even me to know how quickly I settled into the company, and how I managed to build relationships with my colleagues when I'm so anti-social. I'll miss them terribly, I know I will, although I was sceptical when a friend of mine changed her nickname to, "I miss my colleagues." Now I know, what it means.
When it's time to move on, it's time to move on. I've had a great working experience with my INBOUND team, and as I move on to another team, it is this same attitude that I must carry with me. It's not easy, but it's not too difficult either?
Staring into the Abyss,
(2) comments
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Do people commit adultery because of LOVE or LUST?
Will they fall in LOVE gradually?
Or will it turn to HATE when the relationship turns sour?
Is 2 a little boring, and 3 a little too exciting?
How many special someone(s) can you have in your heart?
Will they fall in LOVE gradually?
Or will it turn to HATE when the relationship turns sour?
Is 2 a little boring, and 3 a little too exciting?
How many special someone(s) can you have in your heart?
Staring into the Abyss,
(1) comments
Monday, August 15, 2005
School will start on the 6th of September and today is already the 15th of August. Somehow it seems I don't have a clear idea of what I'm going to do, or where I'm going to be.
Briefly spoke to Huiling about my 'plans' and she said that I already have planned except that I don't have the courage to say it out. Why I lack that courage to say is something that baffles not only her but me as well.
Repeating my 'O' levels is definitely out of the question, so I've struck that off. It's either I start school on the 6th of September, or I continue to work and save up for school fees and re-do my diploma next year. If I start school on the 6th, I'll still have company, with Darranz, Vivian, and maybe Joan. Plus the fact that whatever I've learnt before is still fresh inside my head. I'll be doing my diploma in a span of 2 years. I'm taking a longer time, but maybe with only 2 modules a year, I'll be able to concentrate more. I actually told Huiling that if I'm given another chance, I feel I'll be able to clear my diploma. Afterwhich, there was a slight tinge of regret. It's like, "are you sure, Deb? You couldn't even clear it the 1st time, what makes you think if you are given another chance, you can clear it?" I don't know, but I just feel, I can make it.
I'll probably continue to work and to save for school. Perhaps by doing so, there'll be a sense of urgency to do well, and that extra push to work harder cuz I'm paying for school and not my parents. It's time to live my life, and not the life my parents' or the people around me wants me to live. What is it that I want? What is my vision? What do I see myself doing? It's not about what can I do, but what do I want to do? What is His purpose for me? Again, once I know my purpose in Him, surely, He will equip me for it.
Briefly spoke to Huiling about my 'plans' and she said that I already have planned except that I don't have the courage to say it out. Why I lack that courage to say is something that baffles not only her but me as well.
Repeating my 'O' levels is definitely out of the question, so I've struck that off. It's either I start school on the 6th of September, or I continue to work and save up for school fees and re-do my diploma next year. If I start school on the 6th, I'll still have company, with Darranz, Vivian, and maybe Joan. Plus the fact that whatever I've learnt before is still fresh inside my head. I'll be doing my diploma in a span of 2 years. I'm taking a longer time, but maybe with only 2 modules a year, I'll be able to concentrate more. I actually told Huiling that if I'm given another chance, I feel I'll be able to clear my diploma. Afterwhich, there was a slight tinge of regret. It's like, "are you sure, Deb? You couldn't even clear it the 1st time, what makes you think if you are given another chance, you can clear it?" I don't know, but I just feel, I can make it.
I'll probably continue to work and to save for school. Perhaps by doing so, there'll be a sense of urgency to do well, and that extra push to work harder cuz I'm paying for school and not my parents. It's time to live my life, and not the life my parents' or the people around me wants me to live. What is it that I want? What is my vision? What do I see myself doing? It's not about what can I do, but what do I want to do? What is His purpose for me? Again, once I know my purpose in Him, surely, He will equip me for it.
Staring into the Abyss,
(1) comments
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
An excerpt taken from Act 2 scene 4 of William Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night". A conversation between Viola who is dressed as a man to serve the Duke, and the Duke whom she is secretly in love with..
Viola: My father had a daughter loved a man, As it might be, perhaps, were I a woman, I should your Lordship.
Duke: And what's her history?
Viola: A blank, my lord; she never told her love, But let concealemnt like a worm i'th' bud Feed on her damask cheek: she pined in thought, And with a green and yellow melancholy She sat like Patience on a monument, Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed? We man may say more, swear more, but indeed Our shows are more than will: for still we prove Much in our vows, but little in our love.
Beautiful verses aren't they? There seems to be a hint of allusion to William Blake's "The sick rose" here.
The Sick Rose
O rose, thou art sick!
The invisible worm
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,
Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy,
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.
Viola is disguised as a male to serve the Duke. Here, she indirectly professes her love to the Duke. The word "invisible" seems to suggest that it cannot be seen, and it's hidden. There is some sort of repression here. Why is the rose sick? Cuz of its repression? Cuz of the unexpressed love? Was Viola talking about herself? Or what is Shakespeare suggesting? Do you know?
I've been wanting to write an entry on Psychoanalysis and what I feels it reveals about me. But till I gather more 'ideas' and examples, this entry will have to wait. I wrote about it for my exam when I attempted the question on Psychoanalysis. Perhaps with some fine-tuning, and more indepth study of this topic, I'll be able to pass Approaches to Text the next round???????
Viola: My father had a daughter loved a man, As it might be, perhaps, were I a woman, I should your Lordship.
Duke: And what's her history?
Viola: A blank, my lord; she never told her love, But let concealemnt like a worm i'th' bud Feed on her damask cheek: she pined in thought, And with a green and yellow melancholy She sat like Patience on a monument, Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed? We man may say more, swear more, but indeed Our shows are more than will: for still we prove Much in our vows, but little in our love.
Beautiful verses aren't they? There seems to be a hint of allusion to William Blake's "The sick rose" here.
The Sick Rose
O rose, thou art sick!
The invisible worm
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,
Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy,
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.
Viola is disguised as a male to serve the Duke. Here, she indirectly professes her love to the Duke. The word "invisible" seems to suggest that it cannot be seen, and it's hidden. There is some sort of repression here. Why is the rose sick? Cuz of its repression? Cuz of the unexpressed love? Was Viola talking about herself? Or what is Shakespeare suggesting? Do you know?
I've been wanting to write an entry on Psychoanalysis and what I feels it reveals about me. But till I gather more 'ideas' and examples, this entry will have to wait. I wrote about it for my exam when I attempted the question on Psychoanalysis. Perhaps with some fine-tuning, and more indepth study of this topic, I'll be able to pass Approaches to Text the next round???????
Staring into the Abyss,
(0) comments
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Psalms 43:5
In times like this, it's so easy to run away and hide. I felt like doing nothing but sleep. Just sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep the whole day through. It's easy to run away and hide, cuz it just means taking a step back. Taking a step back is definitely much easier than taking a step forward, because taking a step forward takes great faith and courage, and not to mention, a certain risk invovled.
In times like this, am I going to take the easier way out? The LOSER way out? Or am I going to take the more difficult way out? The way that will make me a winner? Taking the easier way out means I'll forever be going round and round the merry-go-round. Taking the easier way out means I'll never move out, and move on. Taking the easier way out will reflect how weak my character is.
Sure, it's often not the outcome that matters, but how you deal with that outcome that matters. It's about the process. The process of which will make you someone with a stronger character and a stronger capacity, or someone with lousy character and a lousy attitude.
Am I going to run away and hide? So difficult to deal with failure. Especially when it's not just one time. Can I break out of that 'bondage?'. Can I stop walking round and round and start scaling the moutain? Can. Cuz He said that all things work together for good to those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose. His purpose for me - that's what I need to find.
Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.
In times like this, it's so easy to run away and hide. I felt like doing nothing but sleep. Just sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep the whole day through. It's easy to run away and hide, cuz it just means taking a step back. Taking a step back is definitely much easier than taking a step forward, because taking a step forward takes great faith and courage, and not to mention, a certain risk invovled.
In times like this, am I going to take the easier way out? The LOSER way out? Or am I going to take the more difficult way out? The way that will make me a winner? Taking the easier way out means I'll forever be going round and round the merry-go-round. Taking the easier way out means I'll never move out, and move on. Taking the easier way out will reflect how weak my character is.
Sure, it's often not the outcome that matters, but how you deal with that outcome that matters. It's about the process. The process of which will make you someone with a stronger character and a stronger capacity, or someone with lousy character and a lousy attitude.
Am I going to run away and hide? So difficult to deal with failure. Especially when it's not just one time. Can I break out of that 'bondage?'. Can I stop walking round and round and start scaling the moutain? Can. Cuz He said that all things work together for good to those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose. His purpose for me - that's what I need to find.
Staring into the Abyss,
(0) comments