.The Abyss.
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.Rant & Rave.
.Past Ramblings.
March 2005
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Friday, April 29, 2005
Today's the last day of school. Tuesday will see me attempting my first UOL exam. How do I feel? I don't know. There's a tinge of sadness about leaving school, especially knowing that I won't be going up to Year 2 with the friends I've made. Mel who won't be continuing after the exam. Darranz who will be going up to Year 2. Joan who will be going up to Year 2. My twin Jaya who is born on the same day, same year as me. Irum, who skipped school the last 2-3 weeks of school.(TSK!) Jeeshan, though I'm going to disappoint him cuz the 2 modules I'm intending to clear are Uma's modules. I marvel at Jeeshan's intellect. Uma, though she's no longer teaching me but it was she who kept encouraging me to write something for her.
How will I do for the UOL exams? I'm beginning to have doubts now about whether I can clear the 2 modules. Darranz insist that I can. Runima says I can. But how much of what they say should I take into consideration? I found myself feeling doubtful about my answer when I presented my answer. To me, I think I've drifted off-track. But Runima said it was a good attempt. She said she was sure I can pass. Really? Do I have to take it with a pinch of salt?
I beginned the race with a thinking that perhaps, this time I can make it and I won't have to repeat. I ran with my heart wanting to make it happen. Then the hurdles started to appear. I stumbled at the first hurdle, the 2nd hurdle, the 3rd hurdle, and found myself all bruised and broken. This time, it's not going to happen. I've just be holding on to false hope and I've been deceiving myself. I stopped trying to cross the hurdles. I lost the confidence, I lost the self-blief. No point trying. I'm just going to revert to square one. The race is coming to an end, and I don't know how or why, but I started to pick up pace again. I started to run, thinking it's still not to late and I can restore that self-belief. Now, the finishing line is near. I just need to give my last best shot and cross the finishing line, alas, I am no where in sight...
How will I do for the UOL exams? I'm beginning to have doubts now about whether I can clear the 2 modules. Darranz insist that I can. Runima says I can. But how much of what they say should I take into consideration? I found myself feeling doubtful about my answer when I presented my answer. To me, I think I've drifted off-track. But Runima said it was a good attempt. She said she was sure I can pass. Really? Do I have to take it with a pinch of salt?
I beginned the race with a thinking that perhaps, this time I can make it and I won't have to repeat. I ran with my heart wanting to make it happen. Then the hurdles started to appear. I stumbled at the first hurdle, the 2nd hurdle, the 3rd hurdle, and found myself all bruised and broken. This time, it's not going to happen. I've just be holding on to false hope and I've been deceiving myself. I stopped trying to cross the hurdles. I lost the confidence, I lost the self-blief. No point trying. I'm just going to revert to square one. The race is coming to an end, and I don't know how or why, but I started to pick up pace again. I started to run, thinking it's still not to late and I can restore that self-belief. Now, the finishing line is near. I just need to give my last best shot and cross the finishing line, alas, I am no where in sight...
Staring into the Abyss,
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