Failure is not easy to take and it will never be easy. It takes a brave soul to stand up to the defeat, to say, “I’ll try again”, and to put aside all the ridicule, the harsh words, the disapproving looks, and the condemnation from others and from oneself. Not many people can boast such strength. Well, at least not me.

I never liked results day because I always knew I was not going to make it. There were times I wondered why I had to be called into the counseling room while the rest of my classmates/friends were celebrating and rejoicing in the hall. I don’t think I was any less hardworking than my other classmates/friends but it seem like I was always the one in the clique to fail something. The feeling sucks and it sucks big time.

Sometimes I tell people that Failure is my best friend. I’m so immune to it that I don’t think I can shed another tear over it. They say “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. Denial at work? Perhaps so. Truth is, the words people say can break a soul.

I can tell you it doesn’t hurt when my dad and the people around me says:

“You’re an overage student. By right, you should ace all your modules”,

“Your papers are so easy. I can close 1 eye and yet still get all As”, “Student from Victoria JC dies? She must have been too stressed. No wonder you are still alive”,

“Study for so many years still cannot pass, might as well go out and work”,

“The papers must be very easy right? That’s why you got all As”,

“I’m glad you realize you have been repeating for a long time now”,

“Did you print your own result slips?”,

but in actual fact, it is such flippant and senseless comments that cuts the deepest.

I guess at the end of the day, the conclusion is that people can say whatever they want to say. What matters the most is the courage to stand up and to fight again. I don’t think I’m doing too badly in MDIS, and I agree that even if I put in only 50% of my effort, I can easily get a C, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t work hard to get my A.

I still think I won’t make it in life, but at least I haven’t given up yet. Well, I might prove myself wrong in time to come. Who knows? Anyway, nobody said you will only succeed if you get into NUS, NTU or SMU. There are many options and roads in life, and not everyone will walk on the same path. Look for yours and don’t follow blindly.

Staring into the Abyss,