"So what do you want? Your new life or your old ways? Or you intend to do both at the same time?"

I did something yesterday I never expected myself to do, and kinda regretted the deed much later. I tell them I badly want it. It is true. I do want it badly, and I do crave to get out of it. Do I not want it badly enough? But sometimes, when you get to choose between fight or flight, it is always much easier to choose flight. You don't break so many hearts, you don't disappoint so many people.

What is it that it is so hard to convince the mind? How complex can it get? The scene(s) keeps replaying in my mind. It's all going to go back to square one right? But I know I gotta do it. I have to. But why is it so difficult to push myself? Sometimes it is just so tiring.

Staring into the Abyss,