I'm beginning to feel that I am not normal. There is a saying that goes "日有所思，夜有所梦"。To what extend is it true? Am I thinking about it so much, I'm dreaming about it at night? Is my sub-conscious trying to reveal something? The scenes are always so vivid I fear I'll sleep talk and expose my darkest secrets to whoever is in the room. I'm always so afraid of blurting out something I shouldn't say.

The uneasiness, the pangs of anxiety. You know the awful feeling of fearing one day your darkest secrets will be brought to light? Then the cruel revelation of how people are gonna judge, gonna condemn sets in. It cannot happen. People cannot know what I am thinking.

Darkness is always going to be afraid of Light. Addictions are frightening. It makes you want more and more even though you are aware of the dire consequences. You just cannot stop yielding to it. Like a powerful magnet, addiction draws one to it. Slowly, but surely. How do you get out of it? How do you muster enough Courage to tell yourself Light WILL overcome darkness?

This addiction is slowly engulfing me. I don't want it to escalate, but I feel so powerless to overcome it. Maybe I should seek therapy real soon. You think it will help?