Well, today I started my advanced diploma in Mass Communications. Going back to school has always been a struggle to me and I kinda am doing this advanced diploma rather reluctantly.

When I walked into the school compound, an air of familiarity greeted me. It felt kinda strange too, to be back after a 2 months plus hiatus from school. I didn't know what to expect since I was going to meet new classmates. First day of a new semester, you kinda feel lost somehow. As the lecture went on (my lecturer is a senior producer for Channel News Asia. How cool is that?), I couldn't help but wonder whether I made the wrong decision to do my advanced diploma part time.

The thought of having to break into groups, do group presentations (AGAIN!) made me wish I had joined my ex-classmates in the full-time course. We had our fair share of friction and I know I swore I wouldn't want to work with them again, but it's always easier to work with people you already know. At least I wouldn't have to go through the hassle of making new friends considering how anti-social I am. Well, I was seriously chiding myself for trying to be funny and attempting to do the course part-time when I can do it full-time. It didn't help when 1 of my ex-classmate texted me and said, "See la! You should have joined us! We're all still in the same class.."

But what Dr Joyce Meyer preached over the weekend kept ringing in my head. We're concentrating so much on ourselves that it bothers us what people are thinking and saying about us. I remember I kept repeating to myself "it's not about me. I must decrease and He must increase. I must decrease and He must increase. I must decrease and He must decrease", as I tried to counter all the negative thoughts that was forming.

It's really really not easy. But I tell myself, somehow or another, I'll still have to break out of my comfort zone. So even though doing the course full-time will mean I get to work with my ex-classmates whom I am already very comfortable with, it doesn't hurt too much working with new people in my current class. Life's never easy and sometimes doing the right thing is pretty uncomfortable. Guess I should just do it and see how it goes. It shouldn't be that bad.. (right?). Well, pray for me.

Staring into the Abyss,