School will start on the 6th of September and today is already the 15th of August. Somehow it seems I don't have a clear idea of what I'm going to do, or where I'm going to be.

Briefly spoke to Huiling about my 'plans' and she said that I already have planned except that I don't have the courage to say it out. Why I lack that courage to say is something that baffles not only her but me as well.

Repeating my 'O' levels is definitely out of the question, so I've struck that off. It's either I start school on the 6th of September, or I continue to work and save up for school fees and re-do my diploma next year. If I start school on the 6th, I'll still have company, with Darranz, Vivian, and maybe Joan. Plus the fact that whatever I've learnt before is still fresh inside my head. I'll be doing my diploma in a span of 2 years. I'm taking a longer time, but maybe with only 2 modules a year, I'll be able to concentrate more. I actually told Huiling that if I'm given another chance, I feel I'll be able to clear my diploma. Afterwhich, there was a slight tinge of regret. It's like, "are you sure, Deb? You couldn't even clear it the 1st time, what makes you think if you are given another chance, you can clear it?" I don't know, but I just feel, I can make it.

I'll probably continue to work and to save for school. Perhaps by doing so, there'll be a sense of urgency to do well, and that extra push to work harder cuz I'm paying for school and not my parents. It's time to live my life, and not the life my parents' or the people around me wants me to live. What is it that I want? What is my vision? What do I see myself doing? It's not about what can I do, but what do I want to do? What is His purpose for me? Again, once I know my purpose in Him, surely, He will equip me for it.

Staring into the Abyss,